- Thank God for church ladies with typewriters These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
- --------------------------
- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
- --------------------------
- The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
- --------------------------
- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
- --------------------------
- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
- --------------------------
- Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
- --------------------------
- Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation...
- --------------------------
- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
- --------------------------
- Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
- --------------------------
- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
- --------------------------
- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
- --------------------------
- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice
- --------------------------
- Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
- --------------------------
- Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
- --------------------------
- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
- --------------------------
- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
- --------------------------
- Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
- --------------------------
- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
- --------------------------
- This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
- --------------------------
- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
- --------------------------
- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
- --------------------------
- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
- -------------------------
- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
- --------------------------
- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
- --------------------------
- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:
- "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"
Monday, December 20, 2010
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Oh my dear god those are hilarious!
ReplyDelete:)
ReplyDelete